Madge-isms

"I don't sit here wondering if I'll still be making videos when I'm 50. I hope I'll have three children and that they'll be the center of my life, not being on MTV." -Madonna

Madge is top of the Vil at New York Bash

DALMATIANS would have run a mile at the sight of MADONNA yesterday.

The veteran songstress was more Cruella de Vil than Queen of Pop when she stepped out in a coat designed to send shivers down the spines of spotty mutts.

Madge donned the crow-like body-warmer for a special New York screening of A Single Man, which marks the directorial debut of her designer pal TOM FORD.

Despite the nighttime setting of the occasion, Madonna still thought it necessary to wear the darkest shade of sunglasses money can buy.

Maybe she was having a bad eye day...

*courtesy of The Sun

Madonna defends fitness obsession

Pop star Madonna has brushed off criticism about her overly muscled body insisting she requires rigorous training to cope with her strenuous on stage dance routines.

Madonna, 51, had sparked concerns about her obsession with fitness with her prominent biceps and frequent trips to the gym, reports contactmusic.com.

‘I do it for health reasons and for aesthetic reasons. If I have to go out on stage and jump around in a pair of hot pants, I better look good. Also when I perform, I am like an athlete and I have to be in good shape,’ she said.

‘I am not panicked, I just know what my job is and I know that if I want to be able to wear whatever I want to wear on stage then my body better look good,’ she added.

*courtesy of trak.in

'Almost Human: Madonna on Film' festival celebrates bad acting

She's made it big in music, but acting is not her strong point. After a promising start with "Desperately Seeking Susan," music diva Madonna's acting career took a nose dive. "Almost Human: Madonna on Film" is a comedic tribute to the five-time Golden Raspberry Award winner for worst actress.

The festival, tonight through Jan. 4, will highlight Madonna's atrocious acting each Monday at Central Cinema. Film introductions and a running commentary will be provided by host and local writer and performer David Schmader.

Films earning Madonna a Golden Raspberry Award that are featured in the festival are:

"Shanghai Surprise," tonight. A romantic comedy and adventure set in 1930s China starring Madonna and Sean Penn.

"Who's That Girl," Dec. 14. A slapstick comedy about a parolee who sets out to clear her name.

"Body of Evidence." Dec. 21. An erotic thriller starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer and Julianne Moore.

"The Next Best Thing," Dec. 28. A gay-parenting drama turned courtroom thriller earned Madonna her fourth Golden Raspberry award for worst actress.

"Swept Away," Jan. 4. A remake of an Italian art film about a well-to-do woman on a cruise ship who is marooned on an island with a crew member she had been feuding with.

*Courtesy of Califonia Chronicle 12/07/09

Rip Her To Shreds

" She looks like she stinks." -Robert Smith, lead singer of The Cure

Madge-isms

"Lourdes really is the love of my life. I don't want to traipse around with nannies and tutors. I think it's important for children to stay in one place, to socialize with other children." -Madonna

M Parody: The Wheels On the Bus

Dafne Gone Demented: "Take A Dump" (M Parody)

Demented Dafne is back and according to our good friend Dr.Bitchslap she has made a big leap forward. In a recent sing-along therapy session she finally dealt with the last bitter encounter with her heroine. Her final act of worship was to happily attend Madonna's "Sticky and Sweet" world tour in the summer of 2009. Just before she found our blog - and we all know where that resulted...

There were several obstacles before Demented Dafne was ready to perform. A true diva herself, she didn't make things easy. She sat in the corner of her cell until Dr.Bitchslap agreed to her condition: a complete Madonna make-over. Eventually Dr.Bitchslap had to get some "f*cker sunglasses, a replica of Madonna's stage costume and a wig to match". As soon as Dafne had her costume on, she truly believed she was Madonna - and started acting like it.

When Dr.Bitchslap informed that the cruel and monsterous Warner Brothers had contacted him and denied Dafne the right to use Madonna's instrumentals in the therapy, it upset Dafne terribly. A slew of "f*** offs" and other obsceneties bounced of the walls for a good half an hour but like a real trooper she bounced back - only to present a second ultimatum. She ordered Dr.Bitchslap to get her the biggest microphone he could find. Dr.Bitchslap was puzzled and asked her "why is the size important?". Dafne looked at him in an extremely condescending way. Finally she replied: "Because Madonna doesn't go for the second best... It's all about the size you know. She wants big. I want big. Get the picture?"

Dr.Bitchslap still didn't understand but he was frustrated with how things were going, so he decided to oblige Dafne's request. On his way to store he had second thoughts and wondered if he had gone too far in his attempt to please his tormented patient. But as soon as Dafne had both her costume and her gigantic microphone in front of her, the doctor's worries flew far far away.

According to Dr.Bitchslap's notes "while performing she paraded around her tiny soft cell as if it was a huge sports arena... Dafne was on fire even though she was singing a ballad... raw emotion, the whole spectrum". Dr.Bitchslap also adds that "Dafne still has a very strong love-hate relationship with Madonna. This is very apparent at the end of the recording... when she stops singing the contradictory feelings come to surface. All is on the tape I'm sending you."

We present you Dafne's latest therapy song, feel free to sing along!

*if you want the lyrics, go to our You Tube page and see the video's description... you can also post your demented cover in response if you wish. =)

Madonna Revelations "She's Not Me -She's A Copy Machine"

A collection of Miss Unoriginal - Part One. As our faithful followers of truth know, this job never ends. We could never, nor would we try, to predict how many parts there will be to this series. Madonna's flock of "sheeple" will scream she get 'inspired' by others. Unfortunately she has been inspired for over 25 years now. One would think that is quite a stretch of time to go without having an original idea. But she knows it works, that's why she is still doing it today, even in her 50's, even with her career on the downturn for the last few years or so. Her longevity is owed to all those who have gone before her. We will guesstimate that had she gone with her own ideas she most certainly would have been out of the business a couple years after she started. She sets em' up. . . we'll knock em' down. * this video does not contain every picture presented in our blog

Ray of Fright: Madonna's Facial Scars, Proof!

Madonna has had surgery. No doubt about it. The images that leaked not too long ago, you can see visible scars on her cheeks where they have operated and lifted the muscle up with threads under skin. There is no other way you can get these kinds of cheeks! No wonder in all the recent videos they've either washed her face out (lighting) or zoomed in from a far or used fast camera work... not to mention touching up her photos to a point of her looking either unnatural or complete fantasy character (her campaign ads with bunny ears for Louis Vuitton). I guess we should pray for this woman to not continue this way - after all 38-years old previous Miss Argentina Solange Magnano just died on an operating table while getting her ass done. Sad. Vanity kills.

Madonna: "She's Me - I'm A Copy Machine"

Sometimes you fall short on inspiration or you can't find anyone to rip off. When this happens, Madonna can go back in time and rip herself off. In the 90s Madonna posed for a magazine photoshoot wearing only a bra, a pair of knickers and a dog leash - and not too long ago she posed in a very similar photo, wearing the exact same bra she wore before. Handy... Though copying herself, there is a distinct difference between the two images. On the 90s image Madonna is vibrant, alive, expressive, like she used to be when we loved her. On the more recent image her eyes are dead, cold, emotionless and she is completely self-conscious yet nonchalant. Somehow she manages to be arrogant without any effort. Time and a dose of blah has surely changed this woman - and not for the better.

Joan Crawford: "She's Not Me - She's A Copy Machine"

In a video for her single "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" (not a Madonna's song, it's a cover) Madonna travelled to Joan Crawford for inspiration. In the video, Madonna performs her reissued single, while the camera zooms in on her bit by bit. The outfit she is wearing differs from Joan's a bit but the overall look is still very similar. Madonna is wearing a long lace jacket, comparable in length to Joan's gown, the silhouette is the same. Madonna's hair is also done in a similar way - plus naturally the location of the video shoot, the set where she performs echoes Joan inevitably.